Overcoming Fears: Lowering The Gradient In Order To Meet Up With Girls And Connect With Girls
A couple of weeks ago one of my buddies asked a question that i thought was worth talking about. He asked about how to overcome fears that pop up at times - even when things are going great.
To be honest it is not an easy question to reply to as it differs for every person. There are actually thousands of books that have been written on that topic only. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears generally involves lowering the gradient.
What exactly are gradients? Gradients are similar to steps on a ladder. If you try to go to the top of the ladder on your first step, it will be impossible and you will fail. If you keep trying it again and again you may start building up a "complex" regarding failing, and soon not try anymore.
If you try to jump up five or six steps in your first try, it will also be scary - not necessarily impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences jumping that high you may fail too.
The right approach is to take the initial step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most pleasant way to climb a ladder.
Here are some examples of how I apply that to get over fears that pop up in meeting women and dating women:
As many guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. This can be especially scary. So when I am approaching a beautiful woman in a social setting, instead of telling her how beautiful she is and how much I am fascinated by her (that exposes my fear of being shot down in front of a lot of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and just say "Hi." If a girl likes you or is interested in you she will discover a means to continue the conversation. If she doesn't then i know she has no interest in me and the simple "Hi" just appears that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - so I don't feel shot down in front of many people.
If I am starting to date a girl and I feel fearful taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I will not ask her "Do you want to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she would like to relax, get cozy, and just watch TV at my place. If she doesn't want to get intimate she surely won't wish to be alone with me, getting cozy at my home. Or instead of trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will just hold her hand or give her light touches every now and again to find out how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will begin touching me back to render me with the go ahead signal.
These are a few examples. When you feel awkward and fearful just try to consider a lower gradient which isn't as scary and allows you to make forward progress toward your goal. If you do this you will know how to meet women and the way to connect with them quickly.